I finished the courage to be disliked last night.
It’s an eye-opening book about Alfred Adler’s philosophy. I had never heard of him before.
“Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of nineteenth-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, this book follows an illuminating dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.”
Stoicism influenced him so I’m into it.
My main takeaways from it off the top of my head are:
- You can’t and shouldn’t try to mess with or dictate or people’s lives.
- All of our problems come down to our relationships.
- We decide how a situation affects us.
- We don’t change a situation because then we lose the excuse.
- One point hit me hard. To experience freedom, you need the courage to be disliked.
This is something I struggle with a lot more than I’d like to admit.
I like to pretend that I don’t give a fuck. But in recent years it seems all I’ve done is care about what other people think.
Quitting my job and moving to Thailand for a month to build a startup may seem like the actions of a man that doesn’t give a fuck. But even here I’m still not doing things I should do because I’m afraid of being disliked by other people.
It’s not even people whose opinion I care about.
- One person who I know despised me in high school for reasons I don’t know.
- The people in my university who made fun of me for starting my businesses.
- It’s for the people who dislike me for the North Korea incident without understanding the full story.
- Those who will dislike or judge me for quitting my job to build Streakoid.
The only way I can describe it is that it feels like these people are watching me.
Before I do something, I filter it through whether they approve of it. Which often stops me from doing anything at all.
It’s weird because they most likely haven’t thought of me in years. Yet here they are with free housing in my head.
I need to fix this.
The book pointed out that this is a problem.
I’ll be on a 14 day streak with these blog posts.
Yet I haven’t shared a single post on any social media.
I’m hiding behind the fact that I can’t get the email newsletter form to submit on the website.
(I tried for like ten minutes and then gave up. Safe in the knowledge if I didn’t get it working, I had an excuse not to share the posts.)
Hiding in my cave instead of exposing this blog to the big bad world.
To fix this last night, I sent a WhatsApp to my ex-colleague with a link to the blog after our terrible user interview where I experienced the worst production bug I ever have.
This might seem like a small step, but this is the first link I’ve sent to anyone but my past girlfriend.
Then I need to change my LinkedIn job status to the founder of Streakoid. I’m terrified off this because this is the exact thing people hate to see. People calling themselves a founder of a shitty software product.
I need to do the things I’m scared off and get that sweet dislike. Polarise people. Chase dislikes instead of avoiding it.
During the evenings when I’m brain dead from working on Streakoid I watch YouTube videos and the people I love to watch the people who are doing their thing. It was only after reading the book I realised why I liked them so much.
The only way Streakoid will ever be successful is if I have the courage to be disliked.